Andrew G Marshall

New Year is the busiest time of the year for two polar opposite organisations. Lawyers have their annual rush of clients who put their divorce proceedings on hold before Christmas - hoping for the best - but decide to press ahead after all. Meanwhile Relate, the UK’s largest counselling charity, reports peak demand for their services from couples seeking to save their relationships. So if you had a miserable Christmas with your nearest, but no longer dearest, which route should you take? Should you stay or should you go?

My advice is to do nothing. In the same way that animal charities campaign against buying a pet at Christmas, I believe that marital therapists should campaign against judging your relationship at Christmas. The connection might seem far fetched but both puppies and unhappy couples need similar things: a settled routine, not to get over excited and plenty of patience. All of these things are at short supply over the holiday season.

So if Christmas / New Year is not a good time to judge the health or otherwise of your relationship, what is the alternative? One of my client vowed: ‘if things are not better by this time next year then we’ll split.’ Unfortunately, his partner felt she had the sword of Damocles hanging over her. A more constructive approach is to commit to trying to improve your regular day-to-day relationship and build in small and repeatable changes - like eating an evening meal together. Three months should provide enough time before reviewing your options again. Remember, there is no ticking clock, even if the drama of New Year suggests otherwise. If, however, the pain seems unbearable, contact an organisation like Relate or Relationship Counselling for London who will help you and your partner communicate better. Even if ultimately you decide to separate, it is better to make the decision based on your normal relationship rather than the one that has been artificially stuffed and slaughtered by Christmas.