Andrew G Marshall

If you were watching the television on Sunday Night (14th June) you might have seen me interviewed on BBC News 24 on ‘Should we stay together for the sake of the children’.  It followed a report in the Observer from Cornell University, New York State about the problems for children of high conflict marriages.  I argued that, if possible, we should stay together. Firstly, because couples can be taught how to sort out their differences. Secondly, expressing problems, containing them and finding a compromise is an important example to give children. Thirdly, the effect of divorce on is far-reaching - often climaxing in adulthood because many children of divorce find it hard to trust and make a lasting relationship.

Following the broadcast, I had this question from Lisa: ‘I saw you on BBC News today, 14/6 and would love to read your report, findings etc. I am probably heading to the divorce court, unfortunately and would be very interested.’

The impact of divorce on children is from Judith Wallerstein who followed families for twenty-five years after their divorce. I summarise the findings in my book ‘Single Trap’. It is also full of advice on how to learn from a divorce, move on and make a better relationship next time round. If Lisa wants to avoid her divorce, there are tips on turning round a marriage quickly (so you can build enough short-term positives into a relationship to provide a platform for a long-term solution) in ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’. (See the chapter on Tipping Points).

For the full reports of Judith Wallerstein, read the ‘Unexpected legacy of Divorce: a 25 year land mark study’. For the immediate impact of divorce, I would recommend ‘Second Chances: Men, Women and children a decade after divorce.’ They make very sobering reading.