Ask Andrew
Dear Andrew,
I came across your website b/c I was just told ILYB the other day by my boyfriend of 8 years.
We’ve been dating for 8 years and best friends for 10. We’ve been really focusing on taking the next step and getting married. The other night I asked him how he was feeling about everything and he replied with “ILYB”. This is very frustrating for me b/c I care about him very much and I want to move forward with our relationship.
He says there is something missing for him and he just doesn’t feel in love. He said I’m his best friend and he loves me but he’s not excited about us but he doesn’t want to lose me. I don’t want to break up with him, so we’re stuck.
Andrew writes:
I would fight for this relationship for three reasons:
Firstly, your boyfriend can fall back in love again. Buy a copy of my book and work through it together.
Secondly, I think your relationship has been on hold for too long. Eight years is a long time to be lovers without making the next level of commitment (moving in together or marriage). It is very easy to start taking each other for granted and this could be just the shock that both of you need to examine what you want from life, understand if there is something from your past that makes commitment scary and improve your communication. This could be a moment of growth for both of you.
Thirdly, it is always better to fight (and lose) than just give up. Knowing that you tried everything makes it easier to heal and move on.
So don’t hold back.