Ask Andrew
hi Andrew -
I am 39 yrs of age and boringly single. I was long term fostered as a child until 16. As an adult I have had absolutely no success in relationships. My friends describe me as beautiful but when I see someone I fancy I feel like a freak and the guy soon turns his attention to someone else.
Actually i feel a bit better about myself recently after taking homeopathic remedies but the reason i am writing is because i have always been attracted to bad boy types. i seem to get put under a spell by them and then find myself obsessing like crazy. the guys are often in relationships and have given me a few flirtatious messages then I’m hooked waiting for years sometimes for a morsel of affection. Can you help me to stop behaving so pathetically please? - I really want to have a family.
Andrew writes:
I definitely think that ‘The Single Trap’ will help you. The main idea is that like attracts like. If you are carrying a lot of baggage, you’ll be attracted to men with a lot of baggage - which is basically what bad boys are. So instead of trying to fix them and make them love you, it’s much easier (and better) to fix yourself.
Basically, the first relationships in our life will set the pattern for future ones. If you ended up being fostered - your father was probably not the most reliable of men. So look at the six types of fathering in Chapter Two and how that will be impacting on you today. Don’t worry, if this sounds bleak because your long-term foster parents will have began to heal some of the wounds from the past.
So start with the book, to get a better understanding of what’s going on and consider some form of individual counselling - speak to your doctor or contact RELATE to talk about how your past relationships are effecting you today. Be brave and there is no reason why you can’t find love and have a family of your own.