Ask Andrew
Hi,
I’ve recently read in the guardian releationships article that you think that “online dating has made things worse” in regards to finding the right person for a relationship. Could you explain this comment, as I can see it as the best way to meet people at this moment in time, as we are all busy people nowadays!
Andrew writes:
Internet dating is a great way of meeting lots of people - but that’s its problem. Because there are literally hundreds of people to date, we have to judge and reject and generally are juggling two or three potential relationships at the same time (one seeing, one chatting on phone, one on line). When we meet, we’re comparing our date with not just these other dates but the hundreds or millions back home. So it is much easier to reject than let down our barriers and let that other person get close. Meanwhile everybody else is doing the same, so it becomes harder and harder to make proper connections. Internet dating also encourages game playing and lying (about height or age or income) which is not a good foundation for a relationship.
We might be busy - but relationships can’t be ordered like pizza - it takes time to get to know someone and it is better if it’s not purely in the sexual environment of a date. Much better to know someone socially, through work, or through mixing (explained in my book) because that’s when we make the sort of connections that lead to fulfilling relationships rather than just sex (however nice that might be).