Ask Andrew
Dear Andrew,
On the Internet (eBooks and websites) there are vast information for men on how to get a woman. On getting a woman they make a global distinction between two different types of men: a “nice guy” and an “alpha male”. They say that a “nice guy” is a guy a woman will like to have as a friend, but not for as a lover because they prefer a “alpha male”. A “nice guy” is a guy who is kind, reliable, safe and dependable. They say that he will never become a lover because he is lacking the confidence and the leadership that a woman finds in an “alpha male”; a woman wants to be lead and protected.
My question is, does a man - who is looking for love - has to (change) to be a “alpha male” to get the woman he is looking for or is the “alpha male” the guy that gives an “in secured” woman the insurance and protecting she is graving for?
Please note:
The Austrian psychiatrist Jurg Willi (his book: Die Zweierbeziehung, Reinbek, 1975 – translation: The partner relationship) defines in an intimate relationship a distinction between two positions, namely: progressive and regressive. One of the partner behave as a parent/mother (progressive position) while the other partner the position as a child (regressive position). The author says that in a healthy relationship the partners benefit from the possibility in an unobstructed part to balance progression and regression. At one time one cries in a regressive way, which the other - in the mother’s position - provides comfort, then it is the turn of the other who is helpless and looks for advice and support. As one can expect in such a relationship to the compensatory behaviour of the partner, and we might best afford even regressive behaviour without fear of social drift. The alternate mounting in support functions enhances self-esteem again. The mutual support and are supported provided the partners a high degree of satisfaction and contributes to a substantial motivation of their pairing.
Andrew writes:
Of course women like alpha men, but they’re not the only ones who find love, settle down and have families. There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy and if a woman is not interested, she’s not the one for you. It is much better to accept who you are - than to try and be something you’re not. I think women can sniff that a mile off. So you don’t attract the women who want the alpha males and you certainly don’t get the nice women who want a nice man.