Ask Andrew
hi me and my partner have been together for a year and 3 months. My partner treats me right and we spend a lot of quality time together, but we always seem to argue about the same thing: my partner’s family. I don’t really like them, they seem to be really stuck up and into money.
I just wonder if you can give some tips for my problem.thank you
Andrew writes:
If you are prepared to understand his point of view, you are half way to persuading him to understand yours.
Tell him that you’d like to have a better relationship with his family and ask for his advice about why things have turned sour and how it could be better.
If you genuinely want to improve the situation and chose a quiet time, he will probably explain how things are from his viewpoint. Instead of taking him to task and correcting his errors or giving your opinions, imagine that every word he says is true. What would you want to change? How could things be different? Once you have really heard him out, he will be happy to hear your position. Tell him what would make things easier for you and offer constructive suggestions on how things could be better.
If you tackle this as a team, you’ll find a way forward.
There is more about improving communication is my book: I love you but I’m not in love with you.