Ask Andrew – 248
Dear Andrew,
I ordered and read your book The Single Trap and found it sound and wise. I am a professional woman, turning 48 soon, and a mother of two teenager sons. I got divorced 2,5 years ago, mainly because of my ex’s alcoholism and depression which started to affect deeply my son’s and my own mental health. I have coped with the single life quite well, except one area: sex. You don’t talk much about sex in your book, besides giving the advice to wait until 5th or 6th meeting before having sex. But before having a 5th or 6th date with somebody there may be several lonely years.
Can you give any advice or hints how others have managed with enforced celibacy while being single? I masturbate and have even started watching porn but nothing takes away the pain of having no physical, sexual contact with a man. The need for emotional and mental contact can be partly satisfied with close friends and family members, but not the sexual need. What can I do?
With best regards
Andrew writes:
I wonder if your body is telling you to look for another relationship. Two and a half year is enough time to stop your ex from casting too much of a shadow over a new relationship. If this idea sounds threatening, maybe you should have an adventure – rather than look for a long-term relationship. Perhaps a mini-relationship, that will provide a lot of learning and help in the healing process?
As for answering your question about enforced celibacy, what about booking a massage? This will provide the touch that you so obviously need without the sexual complications.
