It’s not just women who feel stuck in the ‘Single Trap’
Sometimes it takes someone else to crystallise what you really trying to say. I had hundreds of messages that I wanted to get across when I started writing the Single Trap but it took a review on amazon from Chris in Nottingham to highlight the most important one.
If you’re single, it’s easy to think there’s something wrong with you and that you need to become a different person to be successful with men or women. However, the more tricks that we try and pull off, the stronger that we come across as a fake and there’s no bigger turn off. Instead of hiding, we need to show who we really are – in all our complexity. This might seem dangerous, but actually its really appealing – because it sends an open and honest message to potential mates. But more importantly, it makes them feel that all their complexities might just be acceptable too. So here comes the lesson I’d most like you to take from the ‘Single Trap’: Ultimately, you’re OK as you are. Make peace with your past, learn to love yourself just a little bit more and you will find love.
So thank you Chris and here’ his review in full:
“An absolutely brilliant book, refreshing, readable and practical. I’m a 38 year old single man and I recommend it to all single men and women. In fact, I think some of my couple- and married- friends would benefit from it too.
The author is a counsellor with Relate, and I read this book after reading one of Relate’s books “Better relationships”, which is a very good read too. If I had to read just one though, I would read “The single trap”.
The book is very well written and researched. The author presents a wealth of experience, thoughtfulness and insights and lots of interesting real life stories. The writing is very down to earth and readable. I couldn’t put it down; I just read it from cover to cover in two days (took two afternoons off work!) and I’m going straight back to page 1 to start again.
The key messages in this book resonate with my experiences in relation to dating, mini-relationships and to socialising more generally. The book is honest, truthful and practical and puts it all in perspective. Like many singles, I’ve gotten caught up in the gimmicks of dating, but this book puts them in to context and compares them with other more effective and straightforward ways of meeting people and finding love… and enjoying life whatever happens.
Being keen to take on board and use some of the simple yet powerful ideas in this book, I went out last night in a more confident and positive frame of mind to enjoy just ‘mixing’ and the results were fantastic. That is the power of this book; it helps you to challenge your thinking and look at yourself and the world in a slightly different way. It does this in a very effective and focused way without lots of complex psycho-babble.
Where other books seem to say “you just need to change everything about yourself to be successful with women” this book helps you to recognise your strengths, recognise your vulnerabilities, and understand the basic skills of communication and co-operation.
Fellow men – ignore the front cover and buy it and read it. If you want a proper relationship, this is the book to read (and not the other nonsense that’s out there…).”
