Ask Andrew – 279
Dear Andrew,
I found out that my boyfriend of 3 years is online dating other women
He has had a girl friend from a particular country and is continuing to
date the same nationality, as if he is obsessed with them.
We do not live together, we are the same age, I am 3 weeks older, like
most men he is looking at girls 20 years younger than himself.
I am ill and stressed, I have had enough of it, I wish to end it, but do not
not know how, as he does not want to leave me alone, he keeps coming back,
when I end it with him, he cries, and says that he is in love with me.
I read your book, will I ever trust you again, somehow I do not see a future
for us, I think as soon as he finds his dream woman of young and Turkish
I will be history.
I feel used.
Andrew writes:
Three years is a crucial time in any relationship and the moment when each partner knows each other well enough to decide whether it is long term or a mini-relationship ( good while it lasted, where you possibly learnt something important but move on – more on this in ‘The Single Trap’).
Your boyfriend seems unable to make any proper commitment and I’m sorry without commitment (or a willingness to change) ultimately there is no love.
So listen to what your heart is saying. This relationship is not good for you.
Unfortunately, you’re finding it hard to end it because he keeps begging you to take him back. However, your number one priority is looking out for yourself (and protecting yourself) rather than feeling sorry for him.
So be brave, get a group of friends who can support you and when you weaken and think of phoning him be aware that craving and grieving feel very similar and can easily be mistaken.
Finally, read The Single Trap as it will help you recover from this relationship (Chapter Four) and work on yourself so next time someone takes advantage, you’ll be strong enough to walk on by.
