Ask Andrew – 303
Dear Sir,
I read your article with interest in the Daily Mail today and tried so hard to find myself in there so that I could follow a route back to happiness. I am an older man who does what most do nowadays, I keep fit, eat well, have a nice tidy clean home, average income, terrific children and grandchildren. But since a few years back when my wife left me for another man I have not been able to meet another lady who is anywhere near what I would like in a partner/companion. I accept that I have found it difficult to get past my ex I still love her and see no wrong in her or what she did.
I have tried dating sites, salsa, yoga and generally smiling at work but still nothing. I know that I am not George Clooney but I am also not bad. Anyway without boring you there are many nice honourable men who struggle to find a companion, almost all articles are addressed to women and how bad men are to them, but I was a diligent, hardworking, kind, flower sending, husband.
How about writing an article to help us (me)?
Andrew writes:
Unlike most books about finding love, my book is aimed at both men and women – because everybody needs help from time to time. Unfortunately, the media seem to think that men are only interested in sport and politics so write their human interest sections as if men flick past them without stopping. So I’m afraid the Daily Mail is unlikely to commission the article that you need – so here goes with something written especially for you…..
The good news, however, is that there are lots of women who will definitely be interested. The problem is that until you can close the door on your marriage, you can’t open a window onto a new life. As your wife left you for another man, my guess is that she was seeing him while she was still with you. Recovering from an affair is really tough and that’s why you need support. Start by reading my book ‘How can I ever trust you again‘ as this explains the recovery process (whether a couple stay together or separate).
Hopefully, you will begin to think about what your wife did wrong and where you would do things differently (if you had your life all over again.) As learning from what happened and having a story for why things went wrong will also help you close the door.
Next, when you talk about being ‘nice and honourable’ – and being deeply hurt that this isn’t enough – I think you should look at my other book, I love you but I’m not in love with you. The problem is that ‘nice’ men find it hard to argue and just swallow their feelings if they think that something is wrong. Not only does nothing get solved, but these men back down and let woman have their own way. Rather than making their wives happy, they start not to respect their husbands and a lack of respect is fatal for a relationship. I love you but explains how no arguments and switching off ruins relationships and how to do things differently.
Make certain you’ve learnt the lessons from your marriage before looking for love – because like attracts like. By this I mean if you feel lost, you’ll meet other people who are also lost (and possibly bitter). Not a good recipe for lasting love. However, if you’re in a good place, you’ll attract other people in a good place and the chances of love increase 100 fold. The Single Track will explain more and give the boost your self-confidence needs.
