Ask Andrew – Help for shy women
I would like to propose a therapy plan for men who are afraid of women, namely (in subsequent order):
1. Action
2. Perseverance
3. Insight (plus possible subsequent assignments)
Action
The male client follows the instructions (orders) of the therapist.
Example:
A male client – who is afraid of women – gets the assignment from the therapist to find a woman who he thinks is very shy and tries to cure her shyness. The male client should be able to cure her shyness by being vulnerable to her (that is, by talking about himself).
Perseverance
The male client continues to perform the task.
Example:
The male client goes once a week to this shy woman and talks to her about himself. The male client should gradual (that is, in small steps) be vulnerable to her, because if he is too quick in being vulnerable to her, this might cause (some) unpleasant surprises (like anxiety) for her.
Insight (plus possible subsequent assignments)
If the male client succeeds in curing the shyness of the woman (that is, the woman is able to be vulnerable to others), the male client receives extra learning- and work assignments from the therapist.
Example:
The male client reads books (or parts of books – copies) which the therapist recommends to him, for example:
+ about the development of anxiety / shyness;
+ about relationships (e.g. books from the writer / marital therapist Andrew G. Marshall);
+ about “the Myth of Mars and Venus” (e.g. books from the writers Deborah Cameron and Cordelia Fine:
- The Myth of Mars and Venus: Do Men and Women Really Speak Different Languages? by Deborah Cameron (2008),
- Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and by Cordelia Fine Neurosexism Create Difference (2010)).
The male client also carries out several activities to improve his chances in getting a healthy and lasting relationship with a woman, such as:
+ communication skills training;
+ going to the sport school (to get a healthy body);
+ learn to cook;
+ learn to dance;
+ learn to take care of children.
Andrew writes:
I like the idea of helping someone else as a way to feeling better about yourself and increasing confidence. Thanks for your suggestion and I hope other ‘shy’ men find it useful too.
