Ask Andrew – My wife is meth user and wants my help.
My wife and I have been together eight years. We have two boys 5 and 7. She has been a stay at home mom since their birth. We were young when we got together I was 20 she was 17. We were only dating a few months when she got pregnant and we decided to stay together I loved her. I wasn’t all that great then pretty much a looser using drugs and not working. I quickly got it together and started taking care of us. She went to college and quit three times I got discouraged but still I loved her. Thing went well for a long time we had fun raising our family. She wasn’t much of a cook or cleaner but I dealt with it taking her as she was occasionally arguments were normal. We finally decided to get married after five years and I loved being married to her she on the other hand now says she never wanted it – we were happier before.
Then her brother was was killed found dead in a river after missing for a month. She quickly went down hill falling into depression. Me working out of town only hurt matters only coming home for the weekend. She finally told me she wasn’t in love with me any more but wanted to work it out. We tried and things went well until she accused me of raping her we had both been drinking and she fell asleep I roused her with sex like we have done many times. I had a bad aim and she freaked. I immediately stopped and consoled her it was honestly a mistake.
We stayed together a year and she again told me she wasn’t happy and we agreed to try again. I was working out of town again but things were great went to the beach every weekend really talking and felt like we had it made. That’s when I got off early one day and drove home to surprise her. The boys were with her mom so I was excited we would have a long Thanksgiving weekend to ourselves. She wasn’t home wouldn’t answer the phone and finally did came home and we had a huge argument. She stayed that night then left for three days. I was a wreck when she came home she said it was over I had ruined any chance of us staying together. I gave her space and a week later she said her mom was getting her an apartment. I came home and decided to pull out all the stops. She had none of it blank was all I got. She moved we shared the boys and with in a week she had my friend staying with her. I asked her if she wanted a divorce and she said yes I gave it two weeks asked again and filed. I didn’t know what to do she would never agree to councilor prior now wasn’t any different. Then I see signs of meth use and was told she cheated on me as soon as I left town the whole time I thought things were good. We never quit having sex or telling we loved each other I didn’t understand.
Now she has lost the kids her apartment everything. Has a dealer boyfriend and says it’s all my fault. Last week, she came to me and said she needs help admitted to the affair but still wants a divorce. I love her with all my heart and want my family back she is totally different now but I see glimpses of her old self. How can I get my family back she won’t go to rehab? Just wants to see the boys and get better on her own but needs me to help. What do I do.
Andrew writes:
I know this is ripping you in two but I have to be honest. Crystal meth is a dangerous and addictive drug. Unless your wife gets professional help – stay clear. Otherwise, she will destroy your love for her and pull your children back into the craziness of drug abuse.
It would be much better to wait, let her get clean and then help.
