Ask Andrew – Should I encourage my wife to sleep with another man?
I am in my early 40′s and my wife aged only 28, petite and beautiful. We’re married 10 years now. She had never experienced sex outside our married as she is faithful to me. We’re apart now as I am working in another country and we have yearly meet during my vacation where we enjoy my 60 days and back again to the country where I am working. Our communication is through chat/videocalling, long distance calls. Lately, I had talked to her if she feels the nights so lonely as she needs someone who can give her biological urge, why not try to hung-out, or try to visit night bars to enjoy for herself as I can understand her needs as I had promised her I will love her forever so long as she controls herself emotionally not to fall in love with a guy and not to get pregnant. That’s the rules I allowed her so she has freedom to go as she wants. First, she was hesitant as she asked many questions either I am only testing her, sometimes she asked me either I don’t love her why I let her go for a date. There were so many questions she had asked but I promised her our relationship will never changed. It will be strong as we stay faithful and never keep a secret. Because of my persuasion, I feel glad she changed and willing to try it, in fact she told me she had met a guy, her prospect for a date and asked my permission. I gave her my green signal. I felt excited as I reminded her of our rules and the details to give me of how she enjoyed herself.
Mr Andrew, I feel excited more than ever. I can wait hearing all details she would tell me. I lover her so much even more. My question is, “What would be the impact this fantasy of mine would be after my wife make it real?”
It must be tough only seeing each other once a year – though at least you’re getting sixty days together.
I’m pulled in two directions over your letter. The first is admiration that you have the nerve to talk so openly and honestly with your wife and how you’ve turned every man’s fear (of being cuckolded) into something erotic (ie: you want her to be unfaithful but tell you all the details). Human libido is something extraordinary.
The second thoughts are worry. There is a big difference between the fantasy of imagining your wife making love to another man and the reality of it happening. Especially when you are thousands of miles away and can’t have a reassuring cuddle. Unfortunately, you wouldn’t be the first man that I’ve counselled that wanted his wife to sleep with another man. I remember one who encouraged his wife to sleep with a neighbour – because he thought she needed a wider experience – and became consumed with jealousy and the couple ended up having to move.
So if you want my advice, I would keep it as a fantasy – perhaps spice things by masturbating while on the phone, talking dirty and watching her play with sex toys over the video (maybe even pretending it’s another man’s penis). However, I wouldn’t go all the way and turn this into a reality. If you’d like more ideas for improving your sex life, look at my book ‘Make love like a prairie vole.’